The Infertility Hope Story that actually was hopeful.

The hope story otherwise known as: (take a breath for this run on sentence) “I’ll tell you a story, so you can feel better by your infertile soul and body….so then you can feel hope about the future….where you too will no longer be classified as ‘infertile'”.

This hope hope story is going to entail some crazy story about a couple who over 6 years couldn’t get pregnant and then magically something happened and they did Better yet, they adopted and then the couple got pregnant. The hope story often told by people who have never gone to a fertility clinic and had camera shoved up their vagina for months at a time. Remember! We shouldn’t loose site of that hope.

CRINGE. 

I can’t. I just can’t go back there.

I’m living life now and any hope story just sucks me back into lack of hope.

Then there is the person whose solution is to ‘just adopt’. God Bless the poor man who thought this was a good idea to talk to me about this. Please stop before I hurt you. At least now I don’t drop and spiral into a black hole for a few days when these conversations come up. Do you think adoption is just an easy decision like buying milk? Essentially adoption (how I view it at the moment) in the crudest forms is buying a child. I just can’t get over this money piece. The cost anywhere from (Private adoption) $30,000 – $60,000. International adoption is guaranteed, so at the end of the process where you and your partner have spent over $60,000 you will receive a child. It takes two years or longer. Get ready to be sucked into immigration crazy and to hand over your savings.

I don’t really have hope. The only hope I have is that it will happen on its own for free just like the rest of the world. I hope that my body didn’t let me have my own mix of my own genetics because it felt my spine wasn’t capable of holding a pregnancy.

My version of a real hope story. 

I was scrolling mindlessly on Facebook when this post showed up in my feed with these words and pictures. It was from a woman who had been through IVF and infertility. Somehow the power of her images and her text struck a note.

In August of 2016 I started my IVF ICSI journey. I became pregnant on out first transfer in January 2017 and deliver a healthy baby boy 10/2/17. I kept every pill bottle, medicine vile and needle tucked in a box up in the closet till I could bring myself to toss it. I thought tonight was the night I could open it and throw it away. I was wrong, as I was opening the box counting it all 167 needles, 3 boxes of patches and 10 pill bottles I cried and tucked them back in the box. April of 2017 was my last shot. 15 months later and I can’t bring myself to get rid of it. Tonight I will tuck it back up in the closet and let it collect dust. One day my son will snoop around for Christmas or birthday gifts and find it and that day I’ll open it up and cry my eyes out explain to him what that box is and why it means so much to me. Maybe at that time I’ll be able to throw it away. But tonight I’m not. Please dont loose hope ladies.

Now this is the kind of HOPE STORY that is helpful to me. 

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