Fertility Anonymity: Why I use an anonymous name for twitter and blog.

A funny thing happens when you write so publicly about infertility, from the beginning you have to decide whether you are going to be fully out there with your name attached to all your social media, or if you are going to create a separate profile. I knew I didn’t want people to be able to easily search my real name on google and have it as a first hit on a search. If you do some digging, you’ll be able to find out who I really am.

I know I didn’t want people, especially employers to figure out to quickly through a search my real name as I knew this blog would be going out into the world. Being semi-anonymous also gives me moments when I don’t need to share with everyone all the time what is happening between my legs at all times. Being out there so much doesn’t mean I necessarily get comfort, it means I’m constantly educating.

Here are the top three reasons why I’m (semi) anonymous and call myself Eva Braveheart.

  1. EMPLOYERS. I am starting to look for work in the city I live in. Currently, my work is 1.5 hrs away and it’s actually hurting my health. When I was speaking with one employer I heard them saying exasperatedly that they need to cover a mat leave. They sounded really annoyed by this fact.

If this employer googled me and found my real name next to fertility treatments, it felt like I would have been then less likely to get a job. What employer wants to cover a mat leave? In Canada I can now take Mat leave for 1.5 years, of which one year is paid, the last 6 months are not paid. Mat leaves are expensive for employers as they need to keep your job for you. In Canada, the employer is obligated to keep the job for you guaranteed for the duration of the legal mat leave time, 1.5years.

Mat leaves are expensive and annoying to employers. They are inconvenient, especially to the smaller organization.

What does this say about how much employers actually support mothers with children?

I remember being in a job interview and stating I don’t have kids so I’m very flexible. All the folks in the room nodded in what seemed to be in approval. You could see bubbles above thier heads that said, “good she can stay at work longer, no PA days, no sick kid days”. Definitely not having children in the working world is an advantage. That says to me, having children is a liability to an employer and that we have not yet worked through family friendly environments in society.

Have you been fortunate enough to find an employer that was supportive? 

Can you imagine an employer saying, of course, I’ll hire you, of course, you can have as much time as you need off for all your appointments at the fertility clinic, and why of course I’ll hire you and then look forward to not having you work for another year because you’ll be on mat leave.

2. SENEGENCE Cosmetic Business.
Have you heard of Lipsense?

I fell into this business and it was actually the best thing that happened to me. I got a different focus and had the opportunity to play. Direct sales aren’t about selling, it is about self-development. I’ve been working on me for a while through various things such as Landmark, Conscious loving, life coach and so on. It’s been great to have this other baby to develop. I’ve now coached and mentored 12 lovely ladies who are really blooming.

I decided to do this direct sales business not just because I love the cosmetics but I also saw it as a way to create another stream of income. My goal is to generate enough on going income from commissions to use the savings towards fertility treatments or adoption.

If you would like to support me come and check out the amazing cosmetics. Now I would like it here, but there would just delete the anonymous part, right?!

By choosing to semi-anonymous also allows me to control my message and why my customers see.

3. The world.

In the age where anyone can find who I am by just googling me, I honestly don’t want spam phone calls or email about what we are going through. In an era where all our information is sold, this is something I don’t want to be sold.

Lastly, there is some comfort in knowing that you who are reading this are getting to know parts of me but at the same time there is some space between us. Sometimes we just need to hide about this issue and not talk to anyone about it even thought I have invited you in.

I do encourage you to share your story, its not told enough.

xoxo

Soul and Infertility

 

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