My friend Patricia. I’m sorry.

When I met Patricia almost four years ago, I saw her as a career women who was wasting away her life by just staying at home. To me the real women were those that were out there in the world working and being independent. I was taught, never ever EVER be dependant on a man and always have your own career. So far, I have managed this (apart from three years when I was career transitioning). Patricia has twins. When I first met her I had a feeling that there was more to the story of her kids than just met the eye. Still, I saw her as an example of a woman who didn’t, “Lean In”.  

When I met Patricia, the idea of fertility treatments were not really formulated and if you had told me I was about to be preparing for IVF, I would have told you that you were crazy, that I would have never be doing such a thing.

I didn’t understand at the time when Patrica said to me, “I worked this hard to have my children, and at the end of mat leave I decided not to go back. If I had worked so hard to have them, whey should anyone else be taking care of them other than me?”

Remember that I was still in the mind set that women who had kids were in the process of ruining their lives. While I was warming up to the idea of children, I was adament about the fact that I would under no circumstances be allowing them to change how I worked. I would always have a career and job and benefits and run a company and….and…..and….

I never understood when someone close to me said, “You need to really choose what is important to you. Having children is a sacrifice, so what are you willing to let go of?”. My answer, nothing. I wanted to let go of nothing.

I understand Patrica now.

My new found reality is that I AM WORKING HARD to have this child. My child. Our child. I have worked on myself spiritually releasing and letting go of so much. Surrendering. Not resisting. Allowing.

I’m so sorry Patricia for having judged you so harshly. I critiqued your choice of staying home. I did North American society does, not recognizing the work that goes into parenting and kids. Not recognizing what kind of choice you actually did. I get it. I totally get how hard you worked to have your kids. The amount of patience it takes to go through all of this. How committed one must be to do fertility treatments. I’m doing it now. Thank you for always being so open about being there.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

The Impact of Patricia

Patrica has shared many things with me. She has also helped Dude and I have more in-depth conversations about how he is feeling about this whole IVE process. She doesn’t even know she has done this but now she will know.

Patricia doesn’t know that her calmness and strength just help me believe that IVF works. She gets all the moving parts of this process.

There is no else I could ask for during the time of the transfer to be there. I can’t even describe it, but its this unbreakable belief.

You are a star Patrica.

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