My views on family 10 years ago

10 years ago

When I was getting married, the priest in the church, as is custom, took both parties individually aside and asked, if we wanted to have children. I told the Father, sure, but maybe not now please. One of the reasons a marriage can be annulled is if either the bride of groom doesn’t want to have a family or lied about it. Who would have known? At the time, I was 25, for this day in age, that was pretty young to get married. My actual views, that I didn’t divulge to the priest were that I was actually pretty anti-kids. Dude was well aware of my views, but I think he silently hopped that one day they might change. He didn’t know that would have taken so long and neither did I at the time.

Of those pregnant women

As a matter of fact, I remember standing in the kitchen having a conversation with a friend explaining to her how sorry I felt for pregnant women and how could they possibly put themselves in THAT kind of condition. I remember telling her that I couldn’t understand why a woman would choose to ruin her life-like that. Didn’t those women realize that they would be a slave to this child? My views on parenting and child rearing were pretty extreme. Apart from that, I was severely grossed me out that something moving (ie: a sperm) would go into me. Ewwwww!!!!

Working with little kids

The Universe and God is really funny. At the exact time that I had these extreme views, I quit my public relations/marketing job and decided that what I really wanted to do with my life is work in education. I tried getting into teachers college but decided against the degree and for some reason started working at a Montessori and last-minute signed up to do a Montessori Teacher Diploma. Thats right, I would end up working with little kids under the age of 5, precisely the kind of kids I didn’t want to work with. I ended up working in Montessori and in early childhood for almost three years.

What I learned while a Montessori Teacher.

“Help me by helping me to learn to do it by myself”. 
Little kids are actually little adults but the only people that get their way are adults.
  1. Little kids are very capable, except because of fear and hyper-sensitve parenting style that dominate our society now, we, adults put limits on our kids. At the Montessori, the kids got to do what they really desired, which was cleaning up, working with glass, working with sharp objects. I became an adopter of “free range parenting” and ordered chaos in the development of kids.

2. I learned about child development and found out I actually liked being around those snotty three-year olds. I also found out that 2 and 4 year olds were my favourite ages.

3. I learned adults are way to quick to clean up the messes of children, because we have time constraints and kids don’t.

For example, a kid during lunch one time deliberately looked me in the eye, took his plate and threw his food on the floor. Given any other environment, we, the adults would have cleaned up after this child.The teacher handed the child a rag and said, “clean it up”. It was an agonizing hour to watch this child clean up after themselves. Going from tears, to a melt down, to everything in between. Finally after an hour this 2 year old child cleaned up after himself. Did he do it again? Never.

Meeting parents

I met so many parents during this time and watched some parents be incredibly overwhelmed by their kids. I realized that the parents needed more teaching than the kids. I held so many parent’s hand to simply let their child put on their own shoes and jackets.

I also finally started meeting parents who genuinly enjoyed their kids and their company. As up to that point I had met people who resented what their kids had done to their lives. How else was I supposed to view kids if thats all that I heard?

I’m grateful to all the teachings of those parents and their kids. Their kids are now at least 8-10 years old. I’m so happy to have been part of life for some time and that the kids and their parents taught me great lessons about myself and the world of parenting.

Spiritual intervention

Three years ago is really when I rediscovered spiritualty. I’ll write more indepth about this but this was another awakening. Working with my mentor (Sabrina Hearsong) I discovered all these beliefs I had about kids and having kids really orginated from what I had percieved as the truth as a child. As children we re-interpret traumatic situations that happen to us and because we don’t have the words to express them we make these traumatic situations as our childhood truths they have a direct impact on our adult life. In unraveling these childhood imprints so much came up. I saw where my attitude towards family, love, attachment, commitment, love of Self and so many other things came from.

This spiritual release of all these childhood attachments and healings came as an enomous relief but also it meant redefining my views on everything and as well how I saw myself as a woman, mother and parent.

I equated having children with divorce. That they ruin marriages and partnerships. That women totally loose themselves and forget who they are. This was my understanding of what children meant and I would do everything to make sure that I wouldn’t have kids so my marriage would’t fall apart. I was also under no circumstances willing for a child take my independence away.

What happened to me, is that I had to grow up and understand that really I would never be the same with a child. Its a hard job that is sometimes is thankless. But the work for me on my spiritual journey couldn’t be complete without having little people in my life.

Now.

After years and years of working on me, everything has come to this moment. The complete surrender of Self in the act of having a child and becoming a parent. I’m scared but  I’m ready, emotionally, physically and spiritually. There could be no better time than now, had it happened any time earlier, the Universe knew I wasn’t ready.

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